just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
