I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
