Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
