Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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