I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
