how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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