I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
