The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
