is your mom at the bar?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
