Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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