just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
