Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
