i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The air was thick with penises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
