Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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