Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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