i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
