Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
