EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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