I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
