apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
