I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
