Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
