i jhust puked up my retainher.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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