Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I CAN MOONWALK!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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