I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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