I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
