If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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