We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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