ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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