you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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