is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
