So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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