i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
