He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
