I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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