when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
