Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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