I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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