Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
