sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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