you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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