he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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