I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
