Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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