My hand turned me down
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
