worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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