I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
