Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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