He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
