Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
