I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize