why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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