apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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