ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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