hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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