he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
