Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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