I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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