I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need a sexual gate keeper
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
